Hi All! It's been a while since I have posted a blog so I decided I would tonight. Well, a lot has gone on the last couple of weeks. Work continues to be busy. Although, last week was really peaceful. The lady that sits beside me was on a cruise to the Bahamas. She is a HUGE complainer. I can't stand to hear her complain. If its not about work it's about her family. Just suck it up and get over it.
I have also been having a lot of financial problems. We are trying to sell our old car so we can try to survive. We currently have very little food in the house, the gas tank is almost on E, I have to pay the power bill by Wednesday and I still haven't even paid rent for the month. I am to the point that I just don't know what to do. I am the only one working (my husband is trying for disability which we have a hearing for in about 3 months with the judge). I am constantly stressed but it makes it worse why Charles starts stressing and complaining about no money. I am seriously about to have a break down. Luckily for me I have started meditating and found out that I have the ability to "get into the state" easier than most people. I can be sitting here and start getting stressed out and I slip into "the state". That has been a big help medically but not financially. I don't have time for a 2nd job or I would have already found one. I just don't think I could spend that much time away from my son. I love every minute we spend together. He seems to bring me back to reality sometimes.
I hate asking for help but I just don't know what else to do. Usually my Dad and Step Mom would be my best help but she is going through a lot with her job right now. She works for a Seafood distributor and they are being sued/audited by the US Government. The owner has even made her the company spokesperson. She doesn't know day to day if she even has a job. My brother is starting his senior year of college and the family business that my Dad is part owner of is not doing so well either.
It scares me anytime someone knocks on my front door or my work phone rings (our cell phones are off right now too). It's not like we have all the extra amenities that we don't need (cable, expensive cell phone plans, car payment, etc). We are functioning on the bare minimums. I have a digital converter box and DVDs; we steal Internet from the company across the street and my car was given to me as a gift. The cell phone plan we have is the cheapest you can get for unlimited talk and text...hell, we don't even get decent service at our house. We have dropped calls all the time. We really need a land line but I can't afford it.
And to top it off, I got a call from my college loan place that said that if I didn't send them any money ASAP they would "take further actions". Whatever that means. If I had the money...don't you think I would have already sent it to you!?:! I used to be very meticulous with my finance but in the last 7 years things have gone down hill for me. I don't know what to do anymore. I would never think about suicide so please don't worry about that. I just don't know whats best anymore.
What do I do, what do I do? Dear Goddess what do I do? I know that my problems are minor compared to the problems that some of you are going through. My 10 year class reunion is coming up and I have noticed that most of the people I was friends with are doing much better than me. That makes me feel like pure out crap. I was just as good, if not better than them in High school so why are they doing so much better than me? I want to see some of them but then again I don't because I know that they are already home owners and driving nice cars and have just the perfect little families...I really hate my life sometimes. I wish I could just change everything and start over.
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